You're only as crazy as I think you are.

http://community.livejournal.com/fanficrants/8892291.html

To any author who ever started a fic with "Srry i suck at summeries" or "this is my first fic theres probly a lot of typos lol", or said that spelling and punctuation don't matter/are optional, etc.:

If you can't take yourself, your writing, or your fandom seriously, how can you expect people who have never read fanfiction before to want to start reading it? You wonder why you get so few reads/reviews, maybe it's because you scare potential readers off? Plus, you make everyone else —or at least everyone who actually gives a crap about outward appearances and professionalism— look bad, which is even worse because it means potential readers aren't even looking at the good stuff because they assume it will be garbage like yours.

So take the constructive criticism and, if you really care about your fandom, learn what a sociological imagination is and make one for yourself. Really, if you knew just how bad you make yourself and everyone else appear, I think you'd reconsider the proper use of periods and commas.

http://community.livejournal.com/fanficrants/8892157.html

I was so thrilled to find a Roseanne/Scrubs crossover, because I've never read one before.

While Mark and David don't exist in this world because they're "to annoying", I doubt Becky Connor would fake her death after Dan's bike shop failed. She married Mark in canon, but that's because he was there and she loved him.

If Darlene showed up at Sacred Heart to give birth and recognized Elliot as her sister, I doubt she'd try to deny it. It's been years, but I'm pretty sure Becky/Elliot would know that it's useless lying to her younger sister.

Elliot semi-likes The Todd. She's not going to say he'll end up in jail for his "sexual words". (Which is called sexual harassment, by the way.)

And why does Becky/Elliot tell Cox not to come along to Lanford because he's going to scare her parents? I'm pretty sure Roseanne would be able to take Cox in a fight. He should be scared of her.

Also, when JD finds out the truth, I doubt he'd kick out Becky/Elliot. He'd be thrilled by her secret life or something. Especially since she just told him she's pregnant!

http://community.livejournal.com/fanficrants/8891802.html

Dear specific author,

when I was talking to my friend about her writing process, while mentioning, in passing, that I like to read John/Ianto, you probably thought I was asking you to link me to your fics that feature this pairing. You were wrong.
See, even though I said that I was considering to start reading Torchwood fics again, during Supernatural's hellatus, I normally like to find fic on my own, by reading the newsletter, or going through the recs at TWH and clarufax.
The fact that I ship John/Ianto and maybe want to read fic about them in the foreseeable future was not an invitation for you to rec me your OOC-vanilla!D/s-hate!sex-littered-with-purple-prose train wreck of a fic with the implicit whoring for me to say something nice about it.
Do you realize that you put me in a very uncomfortable position? When you'll eventually ask me how I liked the fic, which you probably will judging by your previous behavior, I will be either forced to lie and say I didn't read it because I wasn't in the mood yet, or lie and tell how lovely and well written I think your fic is, or send you a copy/paste of this rant. I don't really want to do any of these things.

Technically I have no problem telling someone if I think their work is shit or give con crit, but you left me with the impression that I should be grateful you were so kind to share your prose with me. Guess again. It is also neither appropriate to leave a negative comment on someone's fic - unless they ask for con crit - nor is it good form in my opinion.

Which is why I'm ranting here and not in your face.

No love

me

http://community.livejournal.com/fanficrants/8891583.html

Browsing an author's profile, I found an HP/something else crossover. The summary sounded interesting, so I clicked. The fist thing in the page?

Warnings: Spoilers, character death, mentions of Harry/Ginny, Ginny bashing (in later chapters)

... aand that's when I stopped reading.

Really, do you have to explicitly bash characters? Specially since it's a crossover, couldn't you just, I don't know, not include the character you don't like?

And the premise was so interesting...

http://community.livejournal.com/fanficrants/8891141.html

Dear Fate/Stay Night author,

I did like you fic for the most part, and this is also partially my fault, but I must seriously suggest that you differentiate between characters thinking something and characters remembering something.

Why so, you ask? Well, because sometimes it gets to be a little difficult to tell when a character is thinking something and when they're remembering it in your fic, and that can lead to some really bizarre mental images

An example, if you will: when Archer's inner monologue involves the words (and only these words), "Stupid Shirou, I'm never letting you have sex with me again..."

For the love of all that is holy, make it clear that he was remembering Rin say that -- because while the latter scenario might evoke Archer's memories of a not-all-that-great sexual encounter with an old lover, the scene you wrote seemed to imply that he has recently been having casual, barely legal, selfcestuous time-traveling sex with himself from ten years ago. This confusion wasn't cleared up for about two paragraphs.

It was hilarious, in that cracky sort of "lulwut?" kind of way, but I don't think it's mental image you want to provoke when you're trying to insert some romantic drama into the scene.

Love despite the eye-searing mental images,
Sparkysharps

http://www.journalfen.net/community/fandom_wank/1227046.html

We begin our saga on the fair hills of house_wilson, where the grass grows green and the House/Wilson shippers occasionally throw shit fits over whether or not David Shore is dicking around House/Wilson shippers.

(Read more ...)

http://community.livejournal.com/fanficrants/8890656.html

In my favorite fandom, there is a blond drummer who is sometimes portrayed as thicker than a piece of Texas toast. (See avatar.) A man who is actually quite educated - who went to dental school, in fact - and very politically aware, but gets portrayed as some fluffy airheaded manslut.

Yes, he's a bit of a womanizer, he's a bit profane, allegedly has an active sex life and definitely enjoys a good bottle of scotch or vodka. But stupid? Puhleez.

You don't go to medical school if you're incapable of walking and chewing gum at the same time. So WHAT if you didn't know how to boil water in real life? You were a GUY in the Sixties - you learned how, along with other guys of your generation - once you got out on your own.

http://community.livejournal.com/fanficrants/8891085.html

Dear YGO writer,

When I was still in the fandom, I frequented both the uncompleted and finished works to distract me from my own massive fiction. Your fiction had a fair amount of reviews, had my OTP, and had an interesting summary. You started off with saying how this was your first story, and because I was new as well, it didn't bother me at all.

As I began reading, I noticed something... off. It--the dialogue, the descriptions, the characterizations... everything--felt so familiar, like I've read this somewhere before. Thinking I've read this before, I searched through the comments and noticed something else: the reviews were strangely similar as well. Then, I got to a specific description: that Character A smelled/tasted like honey, while Character B smelled/tasted like lavender.

It was familiar because I wrote it already. I sent you a message asking if you have read my massive WIP, and you had, and you said you loved it (but never reviewed, of course), and based your story off of mine. Okay. Look, I appreciate your dedication to my story--really, I do--but what you did was not okay. I was never mentioned as your source material. You stole my plot, scenarios, descriptions, characterizations, and just about everything else to write a horrible story. (The quality was completely substandard...) What you did was ridiculous: please, get your own story.

With not-so-much-love,
a fellow puzzleshipper

http://community.livejournal.com/crack_impala/246326.html

Hi everyone, we hope you enjoy these recs!

J2

My Social Skills Would Fit Good in Prison
chash JA/JP | R | AU
From what Jared understands, his college rooming situation is kind of like The Odd Couple, except for the way Jensen is a homophobic douchebag. A remix of yourperiphery's "Domestic Bliss and Other Oxymorons."
College boys, clueless flirting, slutty Jensen and adorkable Jared all written inchash's amazing (and hilarious) style - what is there not to love about this fic?

The Shortest Distance
estrella30 JA/JP | Adult
Remix of "From Point A to Point B" by light_up.
A simple story of friendship that leads to more after a drunken night out - but the really interesting part is the unique style in which the story is told. A very cool read!

Sam/Dean

A Foreign Land
oxoniensis Dean/Sam | NC-17 | First-time, pre-Stanford
It's a long hot summer: Sam doesn't recognize himself in the mirror.
This is an incredibly vivid story that almost pulsates with repressed emotion. It's so very reminiscent of being a teenager, when everything's changing and so very intense. This is a pre-series Sam/Dean that is so emotionally charged that it impacts on every event that happens later.

http://community.livejournal.com/fanficrants/8890530.html

Dear Crossover Writer,

I recently read and commented on your Ben 10: Alien Force/Star Trek crossover that you said was inspired by getting the Trek reboot movie on DVD. I was interested, since I think these two fandoms could work very well together. I have been planning on writing my own reboot-verse crossover. I suppose you could call it research, since I didn't want to do the same plot as you. Then I remembered that lately, all you've been throwing at the Ben 10 fandom is poorly characterized romance.

I understand that the whole purpose of this crossover was to get the two main guy characters from the Alien Force-verse together, while having them run around on the U.S.S. Enterprise. I kind of expected that from you, and the community you posted to is a shipping community. But I do not understand how Ben & Kevin go from not knowing the other existed to beating each other up in the engine room to lovey-dovey kisses in the sickbay, in the course of what appears to be one week.

And by "in the sick bay," I mean Ben "wound up with a wounded arm" (direct quote) while the landing party beamed down into a planet-wide civil war you took directly from a Ben 10: Alien Force episode.

Let's not forget Kevin wanting to sex Ben up instantly. Or that "This isn't kids in the sandbox, kid" line. Or the fact that you decided after writing all the romance that there needed to be a plot/catalyst, so you had Kevin get into arguments with some unspecified Trek character, and in the latter half of the fic had blank spaces for the name of the character Kevin was fighting with at the beginning. After you decided it was going to be Scotty, you forgot to edit the blank spaces to say "Scotty." Nice to know you were focusing on the "I should have gotten there sooner... you almost DIED!" aspect than the Star Trek aspect of the crossover.

Your ellipses-filled emo wangst fest Kevin spouted while holding Ben's hand in the sickbay was extremely out of character. Kevin only cries over money. Canon fact. From the same episode you ripped off for your landing party to beam down into.

Also: If Kevin wants to flirt with Ben, he's not going to give Ben a peck on the lips and go to bed. He'll get Ben all hot and flustered, then go to bed. None of this hands on the mouth, confused look on the face crap would happen. And Ben wouldn't joke about giving Kevin a strip tease.

Taking the letter 'W' and changing it to 'V' does not a Russian accent make. I'm fairly certain Chekov actually takes his 'V's and turns them into 'W's. You made this even more obvious (to me, anyway) by explicitly stating that Chekov's accent always made Ben smile.

If Uhura is Ben's friend, why is his conversation with her only mentioned in passing and not written as dialogue? Do you have something against female characters in general, actually? Uruha's the only one in this fic, and she doesn't do anything.

This may be my lack of Star Trek knowledge showing, but do ensigns regularly hang out on the bridge and chat up the officers? While engine room staff watch?

What's a Star Trek reboot movie fic without Spock? Not only was he one of the main characters in the movie, there's two of him! TWO!

In the end, I wonder if you actually paid attention to that shiny new DVD you got. I wonder if you have any grasp of Ben and/or Kevin's characters or their relationship with each other. I wonder if you're taking your BNF status and just using it to spam us with junk!fic. Seriously. Go back to your overly seme/uke smut. At least then I can laugh at your redundant sentences and poor diction choices without feeling bad. Now I can't even write my own crossover without thinking you're going to think I'm using it to rub salt on your wounds.

I used to love you,
A member of the community you posted this fic to.

ETA: fixed a small typo.

http://community.livejournal.com/fanficrants/8890201.html

I suppose I should have paid attention when you described your 'fic as "overly confusing and rather pointless," but it had my favorite character in it! And the reviews were good!

But... well, your 'fic had words, and those words made sentences, albeit sentences with extremely nonstandard punctuation, but none of them made any sense. (Except the one that went "Mimuro gave him a My Little Pony." And I only say that made sense because I can at least understand what's happening in that one sentence, even if I can't understand why anyone in their right mind would give Akame Nisei a My Little Pony.)

You labeled it as a character study, so I was expecting, y'know, characterization, but there wasn't any of that. Just words.

Maybe I'm missing something, but why would you post something that you think is confusing and pointless? Some things are better kept to yourself. D:



Oh, and Completely Unrelated Author?

If you want a character to be disgusted by the fact that the man he's kissing tastes like cigarettes, maybe you should first make sure that he's not a smoker himself.

Just a thought.

http://community.livejournal.com/fanficrants/8889871.html

Character bashing in your MST? Really? It's kinda like having a crackhead forcing a heroin addict into rehab.

You're doing it wrong, dear MSTer, you are doing it wrong.



Edit because I didn't know that heroine=/=heroin. I learn something new everyday!

http://community.livejournal.com/fanficrants/8889638.html

Why does my fandom have such a hard time with names?

If the creator of the show said that you spell it/pronounce it a certain way, and you do, you shouldn't get yelled at by the fandom for doing it wrong. Neither should you have to read reviews essays that consist entirely of how you got the name wrong. Did you even read my fic? Where's the review to your review? All I see is whining over a name. Where's the part where you indicate you read past the summary? I don't care about your opinion the great name debacle, I just want a review.

I don't yell at people for having used the wrong name. If your fansub got it wrong or you're reading a scanlation you're bound to get some things mixed up. That's life. I don't care if you go with the canon Lygaver or the fanon Laigaver. Whatever. I'm in this to read your fanfiction, not to spasm about a word. And this seems to be common among people in this section.

Except for the 30% or so that will not let this die. They scream and rant over it being Raigaeva in Japanese and whine that Americans, damn them, are Americanizing the shit of this non-American thing. Why can't we be like the Japanese and use Japanese names and adopt Japanese manners? A Japanese fanauthor wouldn't do this!

Uh, dude? Go die in a fire. No, seriously, throw yourself into the flames. The creator said it's Lygaver, the fans allow for variation given that fansub/scanlations vary the name, and most of us are over this whole debacle. Can you just leave us to our peace? I'm so sick of the whining fanbrats who love grorious Nippon and therefore hate the 'non Japanese' version of Lygaver's name. Newsflash: 'Raigaeva' is not a Japanese name, because canon isn't set in Japan. No one's got a Japanese name in canon. Let it go.

I swear, if one more person bugs me about the name thing, I'm going to write a fic where Lygaver's real name is revealed to be Bob, then I'm going to use that when referring to him for the rest of my life.

Spam! Wrote this not long after TDK came out but never posted it. Since the evil twin just wrote Joker/Scarecrow with similar elements, I knew I had to post it as the same time as hers or I'd never do it. Team Porn does Arkham. Arharhrh.


The Frayed Ends
Batman. Batman/Joker. R. ~1000 words. Nolanverse. Violence.
Darkness gathers into a swarm around them and Bruce doesn’t want to let the bastard take one more goddamn breath.


( Read Me. )

http://community.livejournal.com/fanficrants/8889422.html

A Transformers rant.

Just a little something to get me in the groove for doing homework. Done without access to my usual brushes so there are several big things that make me go DDDD:, but I didn't want to spend more than an hour on this. Warmup means warmup, Pondy.

Avengers. Steve/Tony. G.



( Steve & Tony Warmup Drawing )

http://community.livejournal.com/fanficrants/8889017.html

Could some kind soul take pity on the fandoms and finally run an original character kink meme? I swear the prompts are becoming more and more ridiculous, and that's not just a matter of OOCness. When I see the prompt that asks for genderswitch, reversing the age difference AND making them siblings.... Wtf, people, wtf.

http://community.livejournal.com/fanficrants/8888652.html

Dearest reviewer,

I appreciate your show of concern. Mega-crossovers are things that are rarely done well and are quit difficult, I know. So it's unsurprising that you show some questions regarding the meshing of elements from Mahou Sensei Negima and Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha. You did not blithely accept that Mana Tatsumiya would have some minor knowledge about the Time-Space Administration Bureau, justifying your concern by stating that because the TSAB rarely contacts Earth, it would be extremely unlikely that they would meet and Mana's "Mysterious" past can't be used as a blank slate to do with as I please. Totally understandable.

And I'd love to give you a proper response, but doing so would spoil some big twists later down the pike! Really! I'm not bluffing!

Besides, do you remember the disclaimer I put at the top of the fic?

Because of the shared universe nature of the Crossovers, and in homage to Super Robot Wars, the series actually have an effect on each other—in some cases, greatly. Sometimes, Everything You Know is Wrong (with comic characters, it most certainly is). Other times, things remain rather the same, but please, assume nothing. Heck, I’m going to assume that no one knows anything about the series involved and go from there.

I did that in hopes that despite being a Mega-Crossover, people unfamiliar with one or more of the crossover characters wouldn't be lost.

But, I feel the need to spell it out even more deliberatly because of your comment(s).

It's not just Negima on earth, there's literally dozens upon dozens of other magical characters living on earth in this meshed world, and if you remember, the TSAB doesn't bring Earth into the fold because of the low amount of magic users it has. Since that is obviously no longer the case, with a Mage population twice the size of the population of the greater Tokyo Metropolitan Area, there would have to be some other reason for its exclusion. And said exclusion could easily justify more frequent visits.

What is that reason? Well, one of the big things linking many of these series together before I even started writing it was the work of H.P. Lovecraft. and derivative works. With more than a dozen Old Ones and other horrors lurking in the deep places of the world (and dimensionally tied space) as well as hundreds of artifacts that could easily be deemed Lost Logia by the TSAB, including the Necronomicon (as well as the Necronomicon Ex Mortis), Phantom Zone Projectors, The Stargate, METEOR technology, Baltan/Reech Infiltrator Power Armor, The Right Hand of Doom, The Witchblade, Haruhi Suzumiya, The H-Dail, and the allies' own RahXephon.

To put it in simple terms, because of my above warning, I have no qualms with having Captain Jack Harkness, Mikuru Asahina and Nanoha Takamachi all working for the same agency. So, not only is the presence of the TSAB greater because of all the crossovers, there's several reasons why and (in an attempt to streamline) already multiple agents on earth.

Okay, Jack's an ex-Agent. Close enough.

But I can't tell him this because it's several chapters off in revelation and I know some people hate spoilers. I'm a whore for such things, but I respect others want to not be spoiled.

TLDR: I already established that Everything You Know is WRONG at the very start of the fic. It's a little late to complain about a change 5 chapters, several months and nearly ten thousand words in. Plus I've been worldbuilding this thing for 3 years so this is one of those time's I can say "I Know what I'm doing here!"

http://community.livejournal.com/fanficrants/8888409.html

1. Lily Evans was not the fifth Marauder.
1b. She wasn't the fourth Marauder and replacement for the missing Wormtail, either.

2. Professor McGonagall's name is McGonagall, not "maggonagal(i have no idea how to spell it)".
2b. Most characters' names begin with a capital letter and don't end with "I don't know how it's spelled".

3. (And this one applies to other fandoms as well) Humour. If you need to tell the reader how funny your jokes are (as in "'Bla bla bla,' he said and the whole school laughed, because it was so hilarious."), you're probably doing it wrong.

http://community.livejournal.com/fanficrants/8888271.html

Transformers smutters:

Get your damn terminology right. Slag as a noun is basically a stand in for 'crap' or similar curses, slag as a verb is a stand in for 'mess you up good and/or kill you'. Frag is similar but more severe.

So in your sex scene you should not have someone passionately gasping "slag me! <3" unless they're really really into the whole S/M thing or you're tired of your current partner and want to bang a Dinobot instead. It is not a synonym for fuck and when you use it in fic it just looks stupid.

On a less pornographic note, it's annoying when Transformers keep referencing or comparing things to human concepts, especially when they've really got no business knowing them. The most egregious example I can think of is Lockdown naming something "Chernabog" after a character in a human videogame (even more random when I can't even find the name of that game again because Google just brings up Fantasia refences), although there's also tons of references to human mythology (Jazz calling someone a siren), human substances (silk seems to be a big one, as well as leather--where are they even going to find a cow that big?) or Earth animals (way too damn many). I don't usually go out of my way to reference Chinese things when there's a perfectly good American thing to compare them to, with alien robots the gap is even bigger. Transformers have their own culture, their own history, their own livestock, and they're not going to constantly use humans as a reference point. At least have the decency to attach "cyber" to the front of it and pretend you're actually making some sort of effort.